San Francisco: Case Closed

It's my last night in San Francisco and I'm standing at my favorite place in the city while I write this: “my corner”. In 2005 I had a dream of living in San Francisco and becoming a 'business woman'. And as I searched for an apartment I was low on my luck and found myself walking away from yet another 'too tiny and too expensive' apartment. And as I waited for the crosswalk I realized I was standing somewhere very special: I was at an intersection where four different parts of the city meet. In 20 steps I can walk south to the financial district.. east to Chinatown.. north to little Italy... or west to the red light district. San Francisco is so tiny and on the corner of Broadway and Colombus I watch people from all walks of life crossing the street. When I first stood on this corner in 2005 I knew I had to live here (in north beach). And I did. For four years. While being a business woman for the biggest company in the world.

I've been unemployed 3 months now. Not once have I second guessed my decisions to quit, travel, and move. My life has done a 180 from where it was previously. And I savor in the feeling of absolute freedom.

It’s been three weeks since my trip to Asia and it’s obvious how much I’ve changed. How much slower I live. How much more I notice. How much more I appreciate. Having these past weeks to be in love with San Francisco and be with the people I love has been amazing. Enjoying the city with long walks and doing things I was never able to do with a day job (typical day: wake up at 10, go to yoga, walk 2 hours to meet someone for lunch, sit in a park, then go home and nap). Life is good.

Tonight I watched the sunset over the golden gate bridge and walked all around the city recalling favorite memories I've had. It was in this city that I was in my element. I worked hard, played hard, and did everything I could have possibly wanted to do. I came to be the turned on woman that I am.

I look forward to New York with bright eyes and an open heart… ready for more crazy adventures.

My trip is over. But the adventure is just beginning.

It's my last day in Ho Chi Minh. It's my last day in Vietnam. It's my last day in Asia. My trip is over... but the adventure is not. In fact, it's just beginning.

I get 3 weeks to spend with the people I love and appreciate in an amazing city called San Francisco. I get to go home and spend time with my family. And the happy ending to my story - I get to move to New York City with the man I fell in love with. 

I get a clean slate. I can be whoever I want to be in New York. I can take whatever career path I choose. I get to create a new circle of friends. 

I'm back at the jazz club. I can see, feel, smell, and taste the band's passion for playing jazz. It's that evident. I want to be a turned on woman that lives with this kind of passion. I sit back and close my eyes.. and I smile as the band starts to play 'what a wonderful world'... 

Playing in ho chi minh

I'm scared. There is a crowd watching me. I'm sweating profusely. And my manicure is ruined. I'm secretly hoping the harness I'm wearing was not made in Vietnam. I reach for the top of the wall, smack it to show the crowd Ive made it to the top, and gently sit back onto the harness with a death grip on the rope (you know, in case anything breaks). I'm scared of heights.
90 meters down Dao gives me the thumbs up and in 3 seconds my feet touch the ground. There is no slow and steady belaying in Vietnam. He dropped me like a rock and I stood up, laughed, and asked Hau which route I should do next.

I'm at the first-ever rock climbing gym in Vietnam. There is a team of three guys assisting me: Dao -  he belays for me.. and I think the only English he knows is 'on belay' (which is the ready signal to start climbing). Hau - he ties me in and picks which route I'll do next. His English is pretty good and he helps me to figure out how to climb a route as I'm going up (ie most strategic place to put my hands and feet). And there is the last guy.. who's name I didnt understand. And nor did I understand anything else he was saying. He was my cheerleader. 

Apparently women don't rock climb in Vietnam so there is a growing crowd of people watching me. I'm trying not to be embarrassed.

An hour of climbing is exhausting - especially when you're not belaying for anyone.. just climbing over and over again. I wanted to do one last route. My arms are shaking and I'm halfway up the wall. I'm exhausted. My hands hurt. Like stinging and burning hurt. Voice in my head tells me to shut up and push harder. I climb a few more meters and catch my breath. I wipe the sweat off my face and I can see why my hands hurt so bad. I'm bleeding. Everywhere. 

I'm bummed. how am I supposed to go to yoga later?!

I get bandaged up, thank the team, and head off for more adventures. I duck into a high end department store (in search of air conditioning) and find there is bowling and arcade games on the 4th floor. I'm a sucker for arcades. I head up and grab a snack at the bar.

I have no idea how much the video games cost but they have House of the Dead- ALL four versions of it. I conclude I'm going to be here awhile and buy $6 worth of tokens. Which is apparently so many tokens the guy has to find a plastic bag for me.

30 minutes later I have:
1. used about 10 cents worth of my tokens
2. realized that girls don't play arcade games in Vietnam, especially shooting ones, so I have another crowd around me. 

A Vietnamese tiger woods-look alike asks me if I want a partner in my two-player game. I laughed, and played House of the Dead with (a name that sort of sounds like) Vincent - who lives in Atlanta but is in Vietnam visiting family. He wasn't that good at House of the Dead, so I thanked him, left him with $5 worth of tokens, and headed off for more adventures - a cooking class. 

Except the they won't do a class unless there are two or more people (damn traveling solo!). so I conclude that I smell awful and go back to my hotel - which happens to have one of the nicest spas in Ho Chi Minh.

In theory, a coconut body scrub is a great idea. In reality, it just makes your mouth water for the entire duration of your spa service. When it was time to rinse off - I looked like I had been running around naked in the snow. HAHA! Got a massage and decided I still needed more pampering. 

Headed down the street to a recommended salon and thought: I don't know which will be scarier - rock climbing or letting someone in Vietnam cut my hair. 

I walked in and was greeted with some faaaabulous English-speaking Vietnamese divos. Perfect.

I have a new 'do. I dont know how I feel about it but my divo hair stylist claims: 'I make you very attractive!!' 

maybe he's right. for a guaranteed good meal I've come back to the nice restaurant I ate at the other evening and several gentleman have asked me to join their table. I guess I could use some company to toast my last night in Asia! turns out they are three architects from England and Australia living in Hong Kong. We had dinner together and toasted to my trip!

Making it feel like a vacation

my crazy 2 month trip is coming to a close. at times it's been a crazy adventure. or a life learning experience. or physically demanding. and sometimes it's been hell. I've decided I'm going to end it as a relaxing vacation. it hasn't always felt like a vacation- so I thought I'd kick off that idea by skipping my already paid for tour and going to a day spa.

I was going for a long walk down the main drag in mui ne and found the highly recommended spa I had been reading about. I realized I didn't have enough cash on me so I had a motorbike taxi scoot me back to my luxury apartment, wait for me, and then drive me back - all for 2 bucks. 

Armed with $32 I did the 2.5 hour package - deep tissue massage, facial, and mani/pedi. I asked them to do it in 2 hours so I could make it to yoga in time.. and they were happy to accommodate. however, this meant getting a facial while getting a deep tissue massage. I lay on my back getting my legs beaten up (yes I love that kind of a massage) while my face was gently rubbed and cleansed. it was ridiculous. I had a hard time keeping a straight face... and I'm sure they did too. at one point my face was wrapped in aloe while someone is making the lower half of my body do acrobatics (ie stretching was part of the massage). I should have had them take a picture.

after my mani/pedi dried.. I thanked the team of four people for making me beautiful and getting me out on time. tipping isn't expected and I tipped them 20% because honestly.. they deserved it... then walked to yoga with my bright pink nails.

said goodbye to the beach and headed back to the madness of ho chi minh... where the smell of shit and sound of horns and motorbikes fills the air. wonderful.

had such a bad headache checking into my (supposedly) five star hotel. took me three hours to get them to sort things out - but in the end I'm comfortably setup in the 'governor suite'. No it doesn't make sense that I have two bathrooms and a separate living room... but my room is right next to the gym. so in my head it makes sense.

let go. accept and take your journey.

it's 85 degrees out and I have goose bumps. I'm sitting across from Lex- a gorgeous Aussie I just did a yoga class with in Mui Ne, Vietnam. Were sipping protein shakes and talking about the journeys our lives are taking... and it's giving me the chills.

His journey: a financial investor from Australia who gave up everything he had, traveled the world practicing yoga, then opened his own gym and yoga studio in mui ne, Vietnam. he's in his 30s, he's made the jump, and he's happy. the kind of 'happy' that fills a room and makes you wish you could put it in your pocket when he's not looking and take it home with you. 

as he unraveled the story of his journey he leans forward and with an intense look in his eyes says: 'sometimes we need to just let go. we need to let go of expectations to be able to receive what the world has to give us'.

thats a loaded statement.

To embrace our journey is to truly live and become alive. no more wondering 'what if'. no more waiting for things to come to you. follow your dreams, take your journey. the universe will come together to help you. I am living proof of this. 

By 'journey' I am not referring to some hippie and granola concept. no I have not grown dreadlocks on this trip.. and nor have I been smoking anything (except all the motorbikes that I whizz past on my mountain bike. booyaa!). by journey I mean your dream. or dreams. If you could be doing anything in the world right now- what would it be? everyone dreams and everyone has an answer to that.

do more of the things that make you happy. and less of the things that make you unhappy. 

Its that simple.

I think of my mom and the transformation I've seen her go through in the last few months. she retired and became a nanny for my nephew. I have never seen her so happy. Nikko brings her so much joy and I get teary eyed just thinking about how happy she is.  

life is beautiful. I'm thankful to lex for sharing his yoga practice with me and re-inspiring me. Vietnam had me down for a bit. but I'm a turned on woman again. my last days here will be spent celebrating. celebrating the jump I've made, celebrating the journey I'm on, celebrating the love I have in my life, and celebrating the 4th of July. cheers!

I miss America

We live in a great country. one worth celebrating. it's always fun to BBQ and watch fireworks on the 4th. but  this is the first time in my life that I wanted to be home to celebrate my country. I'm lucky to be an american citizen and being on this trip really makes me love and appreciate where I'm from. I miss home. I miss the English language. I miss feeling safe in a non-corrupted place. I miss clean food standards. I miss drinking water from the tap. I miss flush toilets and toilet paper. I miss driving on the right hand side of the road ... and in actual lanes. I miss the music. I miss my country.. my friends.. my family.. my boyfriend. 

Really embracing the 'alone' thing.

I woke up this morning and laughed at myself. Last night after jazz I walked to meet Sho and Mike at a club not too far away. I knew they were coming sometime between 1030 and 1130 so I'd be clubbing solo .. which has been done before on many occasions (just not in Vietnam).  I don't think there was a single Vietnamese person at the club and I concluded that every white person was kidnapped from their nice hotel and deposited into this club. The DJ was spinning something amazing... like old school James brown funk.. with ultra lounge house.. and an occasional pitbull beat. Found a spot on the dance floor, closed my eyes, and danced the night away with myself. Later on found my friends who wanted to go to another club. when I told Sho I was going to stay here solo he looked at me and gave me an astonished 'really?!' and really... I did. and had a great time partying with myself! 

managed to sleep in, did a yoga class, and reeeeelaxed with a 90 minute massage before getting in a private car headed to better scenery in mui ne. 

it's pouring rain in mui ne. the kind of downpour that threatens to kill my iPhone if I go outside. I'm sitting in a wonderful art cafe with a salad and shiraz by candlelight... because the power is out.  I'm overwhelmed with happiness. the last week+ has been rough on me. I checked myself into a luxury resort apartment owned by a sweet Russian couple Vaughn and Sharon. my apartment is huge, modern, air conditioned, poolside, has a full fridge filled with wine, beer and ice cream, there is free laundry service and breakfast, and my huge plasma tv turns into a computer. I don't know what else I could ask for. the kicker... I somehow negotiated this $100+/night room down to $40... over email. yeeaaa boooiiii.

the owner of the cafe, Joe, comes over with free peach shooters since the power is out. usually I'd opt out, but since this cafe is across the street from my apartment and I'm surrounded by white people.. I dont think it gets much safer than that.

Ho Chi Minh ... again.

It was raining when the plane landed in Ho Chi Minh. Spent the afternoon trying to shake the 'yuck' I've been feeling. Paid 200,000 dong ($10) to go to the gym (which is a lot in Vietnam.. but worth every dollar). Apparently women do not lift weights in Vietnam so I created quite a stir in the weight room. Didn't matter because I didnt understand anything the guys were trying to say to me. Took a ... bizarre.. yoga class afterwards. but I loved it- especially when the instructor would count the reps (btw there are no 'reps' in yoga - hence the 'bizarre').. anyway, he didn't know all the numbers. 'thirteen, fourteen, eighteen, twenty, twenty one, twenty three, twenty four, twenty five and rest'.

I'm sitting listening to a fantastic set at a jazz club (yes I am on my iPhone at a jazz club. it prevents the guy at the bar next to me from starting a conversation. I'm tilting my phone in hopes he's reading over my shoulder).  I've just eaten at a very expensive restaurant (romantic dinner with myself).. and I'm glad to be leaving the city scene soon... mui ne (ie beach town) tomorrow! 

still wishing for better days in Hanoi/Halong Bay

There is one highlight today: kayaking around halong bay. Besides the trash.. everywhere in the water... and the rain, and the rude guy that ripped me off on this kayak.. its fun. 

It's a long ways back to Hanoi. I'm excited to get the hell out of halong. Booked myself an expensive hotel room in Hanoi and took a bubble bath with the jets on (and lil weezy blaring in the background) as soon as I checked in. and my room comes with a laptop. sigh of relief.

Watched a water puppet show.. I keep hearing 'you haven't experienced Vietnam unless you've been to a water puppet show'. It was.. weird. The highlight was a crazy one string instrument a woman played. In all... I'll just say I'm glad it was 45 minutes because I may have killed someone if it was any longer. 

and cruised around the nice market sporting a new look

Too much rice wine at a restaurant and Sho and Mike tried to assign me a new boyfriend who serenaded me with Vietnamese songs for the remainder of the evening. the kind of serenading where he held my hand to his heart while singing at the top of his lungs with his eyes clothes. wow

wishing for better days in Hanoi/Halong Bay

It's 8am, I've slept 3 hours, and the bus is late to pick us up for our halong bay tour. Vietnam doesn't have the same kind of tour service as the other countries. You pay less and you can expect a lot less. It's more of a 'I wonder how bad this is going to be' type of experience with every tour I've been on in Vietnam. This one delivers as promised - bad, with a side of everything-is-too-crowded, and a touch of 'why-are-we-standing-and-waiting-again?'. ah Vietnam. I don't know if it's lack of sleep and I'm cranky or if Vietnam really is just... 

It's raining. The bus ride is long. We stand forever at the crowded dock before were herded onto a crappy boat and fed a crappy lunch. Everyone on the boat is over 60. Sho and Mike buy a bottle of cheap whiskey to ease the dreariness and I proceed to read 1,394,849 pages of my book.. while striking an asian pose

We go to an amazing cave.. made awful by bright blue, yellow, purple, and pink lights. It didn't look natural.. and it was a shame. So we drank a beer instead.

We arrived at cat ba island. I expected the worst. it's bad, but not as bad as I thought. we check into a hotel in which tripadvisor users absolutely hate. the power goes out. splendid.

we roam the streets looking for something to do. it's an eerie scene. there are people standing outside- everywhere. hundreds and hundreds of people- spilling into the streets. all Vietnamese. I'm tired of following around the boys. I'm not looking to get drunk and nor am I looking for girls. I find a handsome Frenchman my age named Pierre and he tags along and keeps me company with his travel stories.

If I could click my heels three times and be home I would. I'm getting tired of Vietnam. In the last 36 hours the locals are rude, I'm getting ripped off by every vendor, Ive been staying in awful hotels and not sleeping, and I haven't had a meal that looked appetizing.

click click click.

damn still here.

hacky sack in Hanoi with Sho

No city is like the other in Vietnam. The people are different, the vibe is different, the shops are different, the prices are different, the food is different.

After meeting a college friend, Sho, and his med school friend, Mike, at the Hanoi airport we jumped in a cab and were dumped off into the middle of madness. Motorbikes, street food, narrow streets and a humming energy was what I was breathing in Hanoi. 

We bought tickets for halong, checked into a shitty hotel, and went on a walking exploration. 

If you mix hacky sack with the 'birdie' from badminton you get some kind of weird kicking game they play in Vietnam. I bought a birdie and we got to kicking it in the park. Some of the locals joined us and we played until we were drenched in sweat.

Nothing else to write home about in Hanoi. It's aiiiite here. I've been here 5 hours and I'm ready to leave.

Feeling lost, getting lost, being lost. And terribly alone.

I've lost track of the last few days. It's all been a blur. Traveling alone is hard, and scarier than I'm OK with at times. I always find a friend to chat with, to have a meal with, to share travel stories with... but sometimes in the middle of the day, standing in a crowded intersection of motorbikes and madness.. the loneliness consumes me entirely. It's hard to sleep at night. A combination of being concerned for safety and the loneliness. It's been a week without sleep and as the days pass and the weariness catches up to me - I lose track of time. I think of the last few days as a blur of frames:

* 2 more dives and I'm an advanced certified scuba diver

* A private yoga class on the roof of the dive shop. It's just me and the instructor.. so we make it a power yoga class and try to outdo each other. She speaks english with a thick russian accent. And as we do our sun salutations, I can hear the construction sounds of Nha Trang fade around me and hear only my breath.

* My stomach tells me it's time to go.. it's time to leave. And so I buy a bus ticket for that night and I leave Nha Trang and go to Hoi An.

* A 12 hour bus ride... listening to music and watching the moonlit ocean through the window... then blinking myself awake and watching the sunrise over the rice patties in Hoi An.

* A romantic town, with romantic streets, and romantic restaurants and cafes... and walking alone. Feeling lost because I don't know how to get to my next destination by the time I need to be there and lost because I don't have anywhere to sleep. I'm alone and I'm scared, and it's 6am.

* Dropping everything and dropping my worries and going to a cooking class. Walking through a market and being hypersensitive to every sight, sound, and feeling from the lack of sleep. The smell of the fresh lemon basil..the cilantro... the freshly caught fish... the colors of the exotic fruit.. all blurring past me as I duck under low hanging tarps through the central market. Then taking all of these fresh ingredients and creating 5 amazing dishes.

* A sigh of relief in meeting (by chance) a traveler from SF who is a friend of a friend. Being thankful for having a friend that shares a place I call home. And intoxicating ourselves on laughter and wine into oblivion over an amazing meal.

* A knock on my door at 530am and a smiling face delivers breakfast and alerts me that my private car has arrived... and after having been in Hoi An just 24 hours I'm swept away on a plane

* Hearing my name from a familiar voice and I turn to see an college friend, Sho - I'm at our meeting point at the right time in the right place.

I've made it. Hello Hanoi.

Paradise Found

Rented a 'nicer' bicycle and went on another trek thru nha trang. Wandered into the oceanographic institute and looked at the bizarre aquariums. It's mid 90s and after riding another 10 km up the beach I was looking for a place to stop. A bunch of Vietnamese locals starting hollering at me 'you! you I be waiting for... darling!' I died laughing and rode on.

stopped at a perfect spot in the shade and enjoyed the view while eating some local fruit. a 20-something year old Vietnamese girl approaches me and in broken english says 'me and my friends want have beer you with' - and she points to a group of her friends sitting in the park drinking Vietnamese beer (333). I join them and had the most entertaining hour of my life. as we drink beer, the girl translates all the nice things the boys want to say to me... which is funny because translating what they want to say into english is funny, and the girl has bad english - even funnier. we drink beer eat mangoes, rice crackers, bread, and a Vietnamese version of beef jerky.

riding down the coast again I head to louisane brewhouse. the dive shop told me not to go here because it's too expensive... which is exactly why I went. yes I will play $1 for a comfy lounge chair right on the beach, yes I will pay $2 for their amazing New Zealand brewed beer, and yes I will sit here the rest of the day listening to my iPod because I'm surrounded by tourists with apple products!

A ride on a fixie, a shamu outfit, and an evening out in Nha Trang, Vietnam

I planned on going to bed early last night but ended up staying awake till late. not for any fun reasons. my email has been hacked into a half dozen times (sorry mommy, here is yet another Viagra spam email)... but this time my bank account was hacked into. on the phone with bank America much longer than I wanted to be up for. shit happens. it worked out in the end.

wore two wetsuits on my dive today. I dont like being cold. I looked like a shamu marshmallow after i got suited up. dives today were better than yesterday - moray eels, dragon fish, sea snakes, and pipe fish. i got to swim thru caves with tons of (threatening looking) fish on both sides. my 'skill' for the day in my advanced scuba course was using an underwater computer to navigate us thru our dive and back to the boat. I am asian.. and female.. and therefore have no sense of direction. after a 40 minute dive I more or less got us back. f for effort.

after my dive I rented a bicycle to explore nha trang. mission hipsters may call it a 'fixie', but i call it a piece of shit bike that has no gears. i still rode faster than some of the motorbikes. road along the beach till i was no longer on the 'Nha trang tourist map'. made a u turn and spent over an hour looking for the big budda. it's one thing being lost, but it's another thing being lost amongst crazy Vietnam motorbike traffic... and then my chain dropped and I had to get off and try to fix my bike. an old Vietnamese man runs over and starts helping me. he fixes my bike, helps me wash my grease stained hands and gives me the biggest smile. I said 'thanks' gave him a smile and as I turned around - there was the big budda. sweet.

after a long shower was ready to call it a night but decided to go out just for a bit. its Saturday anyway. went to the sailing club- the 'nicest' restaurant that throws a beach party once a month. my thought process: the most expensive party will be the safest party. a beautiful view of the ocean, white sandy beaches, modern establishment, big sound system with a DJ spinning some kind of lounge house music (reminds me of xyz bar). I know I'm safe because everyone here clearly has money. feels very la jolla-esque.. maybe because the white couple in front of me includes a sculpted and manscaped gentleman and a woman with (fill in the every kind of job) done. this midori-sponsored party involves 'high priced' drinks (ie $5 instead of $1) and all kinds of weird entertainment (dragon dance, fire dance, fire juggling, etc). was attempting to sit solo and enjoy myself... but that didn't last long!

Soaking up the sun in Nha Trang, Vietnam

I'm cold. And I'm counting down the minutes till I start sweating again. it's noon, I've got my long sleeve on and I'm sitting at the front of the dive boat en route back to the pier after 2 dives in Nha Trang, Vietnam. The water is colder here (and the weather cooler) than other the other countries I've been to. By no means is it actually COLD... but I did have to wear a wet suit today. I know Asia is all about service, but Vietnam brings it to a whole new level. There are 4 guys assisting me on the dive boat: one puts on my BCD (ie scuba jacket), another is on the floor putting on my fins, another is holding my arm so I don't fall (the boat is rocking).. and the 4th guy is my private dive instructor who's prepping me on what we're doing in this dive. After getting on my gear one guy is handing me my air, the other is guiding me to the edge of the boat, the other is putting my mask on my head and my dive instructor is in the water waiting for me. OMG! I don't know what else I could ask for.

The catch: Diving in vietnam is just 'ok'. there is a lot of brown, a lot of sand, there is trash in the water (wtf?), visibility is low- but there are occasionally some amazing things to see. a moray eel hides in the coral, a long serpent like thing glides past me into a rock, puffer fish of every size and color with pursed lips swim past. getting my 'advanced' scuba certification is 100x easier than the 'open water' certification I did in Koh Tao, Thailand. This one is 'going diving and then at the end you do a skill that takes 1 minute' (ie hover upside down in the water). Six dives, breakfast and lunch everyday, transportation to/from
hotel, an English speaking instructor, and the amazing service I described - $230. it costs 4x that amount for the same thing at the great barrier reef.

I thought the dive shop had everything I needed. But apparently there is icing on the cake - the Russian dive instructor teaches yoga classes on the roof of the dive shop. Found my om and called it a day.

Hello Ho Chi Minh

It took a minute to get to Ho Chi Minh... but we made it. A bit of a mixup with visas in Cambodia made us miss our bus (and enabled us to play a LOT of uno). Found a bar owned by a guy from California and we ate lunch and dinner and drank there... all day. An overnight bus to Ho Chi Minh put us at over 30 hours to get from Siem Reap Cambodia... but the light at the end of the tunnel: Park Hyatt Hotel (BIG thanks to Adam's parents!).

30 hours with no shower and checking into five-star luxury is more like ... 30 hours with no shower and checking into 30-star luxury. Enough said.

I had to watch a "how to" on you tube to learn how to cross the street in ho chi minh. Simply said - its madness. Period. This city is SO alive. 10 million people and 5 million motorbikes. I think I'm in for quite a ride.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tqh0f9Noklg

Vietnam War Museum

I sit in the Vietnam war museum in Ho Chi Minh and I've seen less than half of it, and I've also seen enough. I sit because my knees are trembling and I cover my face with a bandana because I'm crying. I'm in Asia- where they will show you the war for what it is. There is no Disney cover up, there is no happy ending to the movie, this is not an American museum. And it's taking a very anti-american angle at telling the story of the vietnam war. The museum is covered with candid photographs- of the Vietnamese civilians being tortured by Americans, of the hostile interrogations, of bombs being dropped on cities, of the effect of those bombs - images of disfigured children missing arms and legs. The photographs cover the walls as do the statistics - the hundreds of thousands of civilians killed - the numbers broken out by civilians over 60, infants, pregnant women.

I can't look anymore. There is no one laughing in this museum. There are no children playing and there are no smiles.

the simple life

Imagine living the simple life. Working on a boat 7 days a week and you live off the sea. Or living on a farm in a house made out of palm leaves and bamboo... and a bad rainstorm will make you homeless. A life that is at the mercy of nature- the crops, the animals, the weather will determine your standard of living. There is no walmart down the street.

I get to glimpse into the simple life of the people of Asia - and it gives me a reality check on what we need vs what we want. I think 99% of my daily life is spent fulfilling my wants - I want a new iPad, a new outfit to wear when I go out tonight, gas in my car to drive me to my friends house, have my nails done, a glass of wine... I could sit and make this list forever. And it's stressful trying to tackle this list of wants - 'I'm pressed for time because I have too many errands to run'. I can only imagine what real stress would feel like - not having enough water, no roof, no light, no food. The next time I'm stressed out by having to make a hard decision like 'will I get the wifi version or the 3G when I buy an iPad?' I know I'll give myself a reality check, and will use that iPad to find a charity to donate to.

Biking Bangkok to Angkor Wat: Day 5 - exploring Angkor Wat

We rode into the Angkor Wat complex today and explored the temples by bike. What an amazing site! I had no idea how big Angkor Wat was. It was interesting to hear the history and the stories behind the temple... but I was never one to love that kind of museum stuff (I wore Nikes went I went to see the Louvre in Paris and I half jogged so I could see the entire thing in an hour).

So I looked at the temples and then I played ... with ridiculous jumping photos.






And later I went out drinking.. 50 cents for a beer at a nice lounge and $3 for a glass of wine at an upscale restaurant. Sweet.

And then I lost a bet:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEch7hqlbto

Bangkok. Same same, but different than NYC.

Bangkok is a big city- and it overwhelms me. Maybe it's the swarms of taxi and tuk tuk drivers asking (or threatening) you if you need a ride ('where you go?!?'), or the fact that I'm clearly a tourist and everyone looks at me with $ signs in their eyes and tries to sell me something. Or maybe it's the crazy hustle and bustle- the packed sidewalks with street food vendors, uneven pavement, and swarms of people. I think of Bangkok and I wonder if I'll be able to hang in such a big city... and then I think of my upcoming move to NYC. Just yesterday I booked a one way ticket and DAMN that feels good. I laugh when I think about NYC. I know that city, I know it's streets, it's subways, some of it's secret streets and hidden gems - I know exactly where I need to look to find more. I laugh because I'm overwhelmed by Bangkok simply because I don't know it- and I don't know how to navigate it.

I said f* it to this backpacking business and I'm filling a luggage with handmade dresses, cute little tanktops, knockoff jewelry, fashion watches, and whatever else I can get my hands on as I stroll thru the mall and down the street around the Siam area. I love it. I love big cities, and I can't wait to go home... to my new big city in new york.

Biking Bangkok to Angkor Wat: Day 4 - Slow boat. Really really slow boat.

I had this idea to 'plan not to have a plan' on my Asia trip. In this instance I didn't know what the plan was supposed to be for our ride today. So when our guide let us know that we were not riding at all, I was like 'oh? then what are we doing?!'. HA! We took a slow boat to siem reap ... and when they say slow, they mean slow.

We snaked along the river that at times was so narrow one of the boatmen had to run to the front and use a paddle to push us away from the river bank. We slowly drifted along, passing poor villages that live along the river. The villages are dependent on the river - there are no roads in this area - everyone travels by boat. Not only that - the river is their life source. They fish in the river with simple nets. They bathe in the river, drink from the river, wash their clothes in the river... and the water is brown, muddy, dirty. Their houses are built in the water - floating on big logs or steel barrels. If it rained too hard and the river overflowed they could become instantly homeless. If it didn't rain enough these people would not be able to live.

I stared at the villages .. and I counted my blessings and said thanks for what I have.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4jmcEmDtjY

The boat ride was 9 hours. I got bored. Really bored. I was dehydrated because it was hot - but I didn't want to drink anything because there was no restroom. But I didn't complain- I have no right to. Its impossible to compare my life to people in these poor villages. They have real challenges to face every day when they wake up and I don’t think they are complaining about how hard it is to “survive”. There was a clean restroom at the port when we got in. A young poor girl chased me to my stall to make sure I had toilet paper. And as I walked out I said “akun” and gave her all the money I had in my wallet.

Biking Bangkok to Angkor Wat: Day 3 - A hard 85km trek to Battambong

I didn't really know what I was in for on today's ride - but I knew it'd be our hardest day. We rolled out after an early breakfast and returned to the HELLOs of the children and the stares of everyone else. We stopped in the middle of no where (I guess everywhere is the middle of no where, so it's all same same).. to refuel. A herd of children surrounded us and we took pictures with them.. and gave them soda. A group of monks came by to beg for their food- and I awkwardly took off my shoes and stood in the road offering them pandan cakes and chocolate and coconut cookies. As they recited their chants, head bowed I thought about how awkward and how interesting this once in a lifetime experience was. Put on my helmet and went back to hammering the road on my bike.

Sometime in the afternoon we reached the base of a temple and we had lunch amongst the street dogs before climbing up it. It poured rain as we passed both monks and monkeys and got to the top.

After the temple we rode into battombong.. the 2nd biggest city in Cambodia. I couldn't envision a downtown, businesses, malls, and banks after seeing so many poor villages in the countryside. And as we got into the city - mud stained and soaking (and smiling) - the city was not exactly a 'city'.. but rather a collection of tuk tuks, motorbikes, a few hotels and 'markets'. The bank was a guy standing behind a counter full of money with a straight face and likely a big gun that I couldn’t see. Regardless a hot shower, a cheap massage, and wifi on my iPhone are the only essentials I need for survival. KIDDING.

Biking Bangkok to Angkor Wat: Day 2- Hello! Hello! HELLOOOO!

Crossing over the Cambodia border the border patrol looks at me sideways and says 'are you Chinese?' in a way that made me think saying 'yes' would mean 'no you can't come to Cambodia'. so I smiled and said 'no'.. and today I am not Chinese. wish I read my lonely planet book a little more closely to understand if there is any conflict between the two countries.

Crossing into Cambodia I was struggling a bit from heat stroke but we pressed on. I drank my water and Adam's water and was still dying in the heat. High humidity, sun directly on us, and I'm guessing its somewhere in the high 90s. As we passed into the green countryside over the rolling hills - we passed poor villages and farms. The children would run into the street, arms flailing and waving with both hands and screaming a friendly HELLO!!!! Every time. Every kid. Why are they so friendly? We are taught as children not to talk to strangers and as adults we act as though everyone is trying to scam or rip us off. I waved hello to every kid.. and as my body got tired towards the end of the ride, I'd be too tired to lift my hand from the gripped bike handle and I'd just yell 'Hello!!!' sometimes not even knowing what direction the greeting was coming from.

The sites and sounds of the back country roads were peaceful and simple. And as we rolled into our lodge - in the middle of NO WHERE... I spent a long time just reflecting on what I saw and read a book.

Biking Bangkok to Angkor Wat: Day 1 - Drenched and loving it

Spent my last night in bangkok drinking expensive cocktails at Sirocco (bar the Hangover 2 movie was filmed at). 2 cocktails for $38 makes me wonder if I'm in NYC or Thailand. It was on the 64th floor of the state tower - a beautiful view and conveniently a short walk from the apartment I was staying at.

Woke up early the next day and got picked up by Spice Roads- the bike tour company. We drove to our starting point, about three hours south of Bangkok and got on our mountain bikes by the beach for an 'easier' 25km ride. The tour can handle as many as 16 people, but there are only 4- that'd be me, Adam, the guide, and the van driver. Hello private tour!


We rode along the coast and 10 minutes into the ride it started pouring rain. We threw on some ponchos and put on our flip flops (there's no point in wearing soaking wet shoes) and we rode against one hell of a headwind. I got soaked and loved every second of it. We rode thru the countryside - past the shrimp farms, rambutan and rubber trees, and Thai style homes. We stopped at a nice resort and had a Thai lunch on the beach. Then it was back on our bikes pacelining thru the villages. I didn't know it was possible to paceline (or go fast) on a mountain bike - it was tiring and fun!



Rode for about 2.5 hours today, checked into our resort, and enjoyed our last evening in thailand. Tomorrow we cross the Cambodia border!

Feeling free. Being free. Embracing freedom.

Generally we make lists of what were thankful for. We try not to take things for granted - but I think if we were honest with ourselves, we could come up with a decently long list of things we take for granted.

Today as I'm sitting in a van, heading out of Bangkok and about to ride a bicycle to another country... and I think about how free I am. I think about how I up and quit my job, moved out of my apartment, got rid of my car, and left the country... all in the timespan of about three weeks. I think about how I had the choice to go anywhere in the world, choose my adventure, and shape my future however I pleased. That's liberating. And thats freedom. And I take that for granted.

As the van drives past the green countryside, I'm staring out the window knowing that I am free - and I will embrace and love each moment of it - but I will never understand what it means. I think about the things I have seen on this trip... the women who are mail order brides, the children who are sold into sex slavery, the men that are locked away in jails in a corrupt country.. and from a different perspective: the way poverty or disease has taken away people's freedom. Growing up in the states we are told that freedom is our birthright. We are a country that holds our fist in the air because goddamit were free. And freedom becomes second nature for us - we assume we'll always have it. In the same way I assume water will come out of the faucet every time I turn it on, or I'll have a roof over my head every time I go to sleep, or I'll have something to eat every time I'm hungry. I take these things for granted because I was born into privilege. I played sports and graduated with a 4.5 GPA in high school, went to the #1 public university in the US, worked for the largest company in the world, lived in the heart one of the great cities in the US and am about to move to another one. I have expertise in business strategy, merchandising, fitness, and cooking. I am privileged .. and I am free.

I look into the eyes of the less fortunate and I'm not one to give money to the homeless in san francisco who are coincidentally begging for change outside the liquor store... but there was something in my stomach that turned every time I saw a beggar last night in Bangkok. They weren't begging for alcohol or drug money. And I gave away all the change I had and I got choked up every time I did. Giving money to an individual beggar might help them to their next meal, but what's the larger solution? I find myself asking 'how will this be fixed?' - and in a country that is not mine, in a foreign place where I do not understand the language and I try to learn the culture, I feel powerless. It's very 'me' to figure out the solution, put together the plan, and lay out the action steps. But today I'll look out the window, and as I pass thru the poor villages on my bike trip, I have 7 days at 50km a day to think about it... and in the meantime, I'll acknowledge how lucky I am to be privileged ... and how lucky I am to be free.